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October 31 Happy Halloween October 31st ...Halloween....and yearend for my girls at the store. This time every year the girls take inventory of all the paint and sundrys in stock at our store. Now counting paint cans cant be that hard you say. No its not but when you have stacks of sandpaper sheets, roller sleeves,stirsticks, wallpaper rolls, and numerous sundrys it becomes quite the chore. I have to watch want i say during this week so i dont hear the wrath from the girls. I was able to but a smile on the girls faces today by telling them when we are having our xmas party and i also told Bev (Our Manager) that she should go out and buy herself a new office chair. The one we have is been held together with ducktape. lol. Yes i know ....dont open your shirt ...your heart my fall out ...you say.
The new song i have playing is one i found on Zina's space. After hearing and watching the video i when to my music site and downloaded a number of Robbie Williams songs. I love to crankup the volume and listen to the horns.
Wishing you all a scary Halloween . :)
PS.... Ill be glad to change this colour and my profile pic now that Halloween is here. October 29 Sundays Joke (content Warning) "Postman Dave's last day"
It was Postman Dave's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500.
At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the young blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, bacon, sausage, toast, and freshly-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "What's the five dollars for?"
"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today could be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you".
He said, "Fuck him. Give him five dollars."
She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea." Im back!!! Sunday morning skate with the boys.
Yes this morning i ventured out with my hockey team for a morning skate and scrimage. Everything went well and i feel great. I wanted to play again so badly, just to know that i still can play has made my day. Heyyy i even scored a goal this morning. bonus. I did some stretching in warmups and i could feel the difference in my hip...i had a lot more mobility and no PAIN. We played for a hour and 15 minutes and spent 2 hours in the dressing room telling old stories and having a few bubblies (Beer). After playing hockey for so many years and thinking that i may never play again weighed heavy on my mind. I wasnt ready to give it up just quite yet. I have been asked to come out on Wednesday mornings to skate with another team. Im thinking i just might do that.
I know Carol is not to excited about my return to hockey but i think i made her feel better when i told her how well it went. Pancakes and bacon were waiting for me when i arrived at home. I must have worked up an appetite becouse i ate 4 pancakes lol. Now im having a coffee and waiting for Nascar Racing to start.
We recieved some snow this morning but its melting now. I may take Carol out for supper tonite. We have a gift certificate for a meal at one of our better restaurants in the city and we have to use it before it expires.
Play safe you all. LOL October 28 Careful what you shoot. An 80-year-old bloke is having his annual check-up,and the doctor asks him how he's feeling,
he replies: 'Ive never been better! I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?'
The doctor considers this for a moment,then says: 'Well, let me tell you a story.
I know a bloke who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his unbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver is some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM!!!! The beaver drops dead in front of him ;
'That's impossible!' says the old bloke in disbelief. 'Someone else must have shot the beaver ;
"My point exactly" October 27 What Time is it??? Well another week has pass us by. This evening Carol and i went out with few of our friends for drinks and supper. We spent 3 hours visiting and telling stories....having a few laughs. Our weather is cool and its time to pack away the summer clothes and bring out the long sleeves and gloves.
I have been wearing my orthodics for 3 days now and im starting to get used to them. Sure feels a lot different wearing them when i walk or this afternoon when we golfed. Its to early to say whether they will fix my heel-spurs. Im crossing my fingers and hoping that if i wear them faithfully that my pain will be over with.
I just talked to my daughter in Prince Rupert and she tells me that this weekend they will be moving there clocks back one hour. We on the other hand dont bother changing our clocks. Our farmer think that it would upset the cows to much ...?? Have you ever hear of a cow telling time? It just makes me shake my head and roll my eyes as to the stupidity of some people.
I would love to see us move our clocks ahead in spring and back in fall. There are a lot more benefits to changing our time. Put you hear the same old excuses..."well we havent changed our time before why should we start now? and " our seniors would be confused by a time change"...Oh and this one i heard on the radio a couple of years ago.."my tomatoes would get to much sun".....You have to be kidding me right ? No i heard it clear as a bell, and she was serious. So for now we stick to one time. Untell we can convince the farmer and his COW and the lady with her tomatoes that it doesnt effect the plants and animals we will just have to grin and bare it lol. Have a Safe weekend readers and friends.
ps...this is not one of my jokes.lol.
October 26 Joke TimeHere's a funny for you:
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
" My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" October 24 Let me out !!!!!! Only Three Doors.
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says......
'Do Not Disturb'
...........................................................................................
Well i have to tell you what i bought for Carol on the weekend, at the Hospital Gala. We went out to a fund raiser for our hospital. This was a evening of drinks, a fine meal and a dance that followed the supper. The organizers had a silent auction, where you could bid on items placed around the hall on tables. These items varied from pictures too electric saws, lawn ornaments, wine rakes and Ohhh yes a lawn mower. I bet you can guess by now what it was that i managed to buy for Carol. Yessss a brand New Lawn Mower. She wasnt that excited as i was hopeing.LOL But considering our old one is almost 25 years old and sometimes hard to start, im sure the more she uses it the more she will like it.lol.
Ok it tea time here and i think carol baked a pecan pie to go with the tea :) and i dont want to miss out on that. Im sure u understand. Take Care my friends.
October 21 Adult Humor A married couple was on a Cruise that stopped in Jamaica . They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
The wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the "Sex-God" that he was.... The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak? "
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
The husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming............
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON!
YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET..!!!!" October 20 Friday Already!!!! Wow i cant help but think that time is picking up speed. The days go by so quickly. Summer has turned to fall and i wasnt finished with summer Yet LOL. Before i know it winter will be here and im still looking for a few more days like we had this summer. Im sure im not the only one wondering where the days have gone.
It sounds like my daughter will be home for the weekend. Now that her boy friend is home ....she will be making more trips back home to see him. Our daughter that is teaching in Prince Rupert wont be home untell the christmas Holidays. (to far for her to travel on weekends) Matt on the other hand .....we have no idea as when we will be graced with his presents. lol. I think he is busy with his girlfriend in Regina.
My work load is getting bigger with each passing week. Im not having to worry about any outside jobs for a while. But im picking up more work each week . More then we are doing in that week. If this continues i can see a problem !!! Well ill just have to put one fire out at a time. lol.
Enjoy your weekend........and this joke.....
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. "Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily. "Why, Gold, of course!" says the man proudly. The wife responds ruefully, "Why don't you wear Silver. It would be nice if you came second for a change!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 18 Hockey Nite in Canada Yes we are back to watching our junior hockey team play. They have been provincal champs the last 2 years, but this year will be different. Most of those players are now gone and we are in a rebuilding year. Although tonite we managed to beat the top team in the league. The score was 6 to 2 and we scored the quickes goal i have ever seen. It was just 6 seconds into the game when we scored.(that might be a league record).
It was a little warmer today and most of the snow has melted. I worked today and im feeling the pain this evening. I have a phiso treatment tomorrow morning and ill have to take it a little easier for the rest of the day. I phoned my insurance agent and complained about my disablity checks....or i should say the lack of my disablity checks. He said he would look into it and call me back when he knew more. Its been almost 2 months sents i last heard from my insurance company. I have phoned and left messages and my number on a answering machine, but have not recieved any calls back. Once i finish with this claim their going to lose this costomer forever.
Well i better find a joke to cheer up this blog lol.
Ok try this one :)
One day , a guy sees a sign in front of a house: TALKING DOG FOR SALE.
The owner tells hin the dog's in the backyard, so he goes around the back and sees a black mutt.
"You talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yup," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt says: "Well, when i discovered my gift, I wanted to help the goverment, so I told them about it and in no time they had me jetting around the world, sitting with spies and world leaders. And because no one suspected a dog, I was one of their most valuable spies. Then I wanted to settle down, so I signed up to do undercover security work at the airport. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and got a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies and now i'm retired.
The guy is amazed. He goes inside and askes the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says."Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies: "He's such a liar. He didnt do any of that stuff. October 16 Laughter, The Best Medicine Two men are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He pickes up a nail and hammers it in, then picks up another nail and throws it away.
This goes on for a while, until his friend comes over and asks him why he's throwing half the nails away.
HE replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
His friend ,exasperated, says: " YOU IDIOT! Those are for the other side of the house!"
A sailor and a priate are regaling each other with their adventures on the high seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook and a eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks, "So how did you end up with the peg leg?"
The pirate replies,"I was swept overboard, and a shark bit me leg off."
"What about the Hook?"
"Boarding an enemy ship," says the pirate. "One of their men cut me hand clean off."
"Incredible!" says the sailor. "And how did you get the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye." replies the pirate.
"You lost your eye because of a seagull?"
"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."
October 12 Long arm of the Law A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him. No problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.
" The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," said the Trooper. October 10 Poor John John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
Ever the quick one on his feet, John replied, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come October 09 Your Man!!A man entered his favourite restaurant and sat at his favorite table. After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman, knowing that if she accepted the bottle, she would be his. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back. October 08 Thanksgiving Weekend Summer has come to a end ,fall and thanksgiving have arrived. The air is cool this morning even though the sun is shinning bright. Our kids are home for the weekend and our home was filled last nite with many of their friends that we havent seen sents summer holidays. The word is out that we have a 50 inch tv lol . Our familyroom was full of hockey fans watching the Canadians beat the Leafs in overtime. (What a noisy bunch of kids !!!!) How quick we forget. One gets used to peace and quiet so quickly.
Now this morning the house is quiet and i havent seen any kids yet?? lol. My guess is they were out late and sleep is still holding them down . I have spent my morning blog hopping and down loading music. Now that carol has been to the Stones Concert she has become a fan.
I found another motivational site for people needing a boost with their workouts. I havent been working out the last couple of weeks . Im still suffering with a heel spur. #$^@*#* thing just wont heal and go away. My theropist has asked me to try and stay off my feet as much as possible. Yea like thats going to happen?? Ill just take it slow and wait for my orthodics to arrive and then i hope to get back to my workouts again.
As you can see by my new Profile photo i better get to the gym soon LOL. I hope all of my Canadian friends have a great ThanksGiving Weekend, C-YA. October 07 OHHH not for the weak of heart A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack." October 06 Orange you glad you came?? Things to know about life.
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick any thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can. Women can hear better.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US at any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David , Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs - Alexander, the Great , Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,9 87,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase: "Goodnight, sleep tight.
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it:
" I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe". Amzanig huh?
~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~
At least 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
Orange.....a october colour for my blog. :)
October 04 Fast Cars This web site has carol's brother Gordon racing his 1968 camaro at the Mission race track in British Columbia.
His car is the 3rd car in the video. October 03 NO Bull ??Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in Ft Worth so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... "com-for-da-bull". |
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