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November 27 Saskatchewan RoughRiders ... Grey Cup ChampionsTwo guys from Saskatchewan die and wake up in hell. November 22 Elephants never ??? In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
November 21 What Gossip can get u ??
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house..........and left it there all night. November 19 Just a Lawyer The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the
city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying,
"Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?" The lawyer thinks for a minute and says,
"First, did your research also show you that my
mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that." "Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?" The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again. "Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely
beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea." And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?" November 14 Suicide
November 12 Woman...ManWoman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. AND THEN THERE'S MAN: Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, ruled by a prick. November 11 Weekend Joke
HARLEY - DAVIDSON The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me." God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but God said, "Mm, yes." Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major 1.. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion; Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on." God Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, -------------------------------------------------------------------- November 02 "Best come-back line ever"In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ ?year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night. On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop."You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone interview. Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Aylor. "I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said.....
"A pumpkin? ..... Shit...is it midnight already! |
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