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April 30 Just time for oneMr. Smith wanted to become a teacher in the worst way, but the only job he could find was as an instructor at an all female college teaching sex education. His wife was a very jealous woman so Mr. Smith decided he would tell his wife that he would be teaching sailing at this college so that she would not get angry. He was very happy and for months all was well. As fate would have it, one day in the grocery store check out lane, Mrs. Smith overheard a group of girls standing in line behind her talking about college and their instructor Mr. Smith. The girls went on and on about how great this Mr. Smith was at teaching their class. The cashier handed Mrs. Smith her change and said, "Have a great day Mrs. Smith, and thank you, again." One of the girls in line heard the cashier, and asked Mrs. Smith if she was related to the Mr. Smith that was teaching at the college. Mrs. Smith replied, "Yes, he is my husband." Well that set off a torrent of accolades about how knowledgeable Mr. Smith was about the subject matter he was teaching, about how he got the whole class to discuss their fears about learning the subject. Well Mrs. Smith was taken back by what she heard from these girls and replied, "I don't know how you find him to be so gifted at teaching you this course. You know he only tried it twice in his life. The first time he tried it, he got sick, and the second time, his hat blew off and he just quit." April 26 Tasty!!!! Lemon Squeeze
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ April 24 Almost??Box Donation A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!" April 21 Yes Sir!!These are actual police officer quotes collected from numerous people stopped for moving traffic violations. April 17 What we really mean??Find out what men really mean when they say... April 14 Dentist Whaooos A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,
he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The man grabs the doc's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water. "Here," he says. "Take this pill."The man asks "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra."The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks. "No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"
April 12 Stress and Work As you can see by my blog title today that im having a few issues to deal with right now. Work is going well but the more we do the more i get. Im getting calls from people who think becouse i gave them a estimate last fall that im going to do their work. Stress is setting in and last nite i didnt get more then a couple hours of sleep. Im dead tired today and that just adds to my stress level. Tonite is our bowling windup and im not going. Carol is going and ill try and get some sleep.
I hired a new fellow last week and he is working out better then i expected. As long as he will stay working for us ill be happy to have him. He has shown a interest in what im teaching him. I had him helping me install vinyl wallcovering on a commercial job and i was inpressed with how well we worked as a team. On a scale of 1 to 10 id have to give him at least a 8 for his speed of work and his awareness to details and learning basic painting skills. Now if i could find 3 more like him i could be stress free. LOL.yea right!!!!!!
Our weather has started warming up finally. Most of our snow is gone and i heard today that the golf course is planning to open the driving range this weekend and the course next weekend.
Im hoping that a good nites sleep will put me into a better frame of mind. I have a joke to add to this blog and maybe i can put a smile on your face.....Cheers.
Thinking Fast...
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there." "My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager. The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?" April 08 Rambling on.... Sunday morning here and the house is quiet. Carol and kids are still sleeping and i have just put the coffee on. Yesterday was a very nice day, i washed my SS in the morning and didnt do much else except watch the Masters on tv. Carol cooked a turkey for supper and we had my Mom and Dad and Carols mom over. The kids were here with a couple of friends and a couple of carol and my friends as well. So the house was a busy place for sure. The meal was another feast..Turkey(Which i carved) stuffing, potatoes, gravey, carrots, corn, salad, buns, i opened a bottle of red and white wine, ohh and 2 kinds of pie..Apple and Saskatoon, as well as a chocolate caramel cake. If my back wasnt sore id be heading to the gym today for sure. lol. But i tweeked my back yesterday when i jumped of the deck and landed the wrong way. @#$%^^@#&. As my mom would say " Kids never learn"...And thats all im going to say about that.
Im having my first morning coffee now and have just received a call from my mom. She tells me my sister is cooking a Turkey today and is bringing it to her house for supper. Mom is cooking a ham so its looking like im going to have to Eat !!! again today lol. Some friends are having a gettogether this afternoon to watch the Masters and have a few drinks. We will spend sometime with the kids this morning and then they will head back to College. One month left for them and then they will have completed another year of school. Cassidy has her job back from last summer( Working at a insurance office) Matthew is likely to stay in Regina for the summer and find a job there. I dont think he liked being away from his girlfriend last summer.
I was able to find a young fellow (22) how started working for me last monday. So far he seems to be working well with my men. We will see if he shows up for work this monday lol. We also made one of our partime workers at the store fulltime. She has been working well with the other staff and shows a interest in what she does. So now we are looking for another part-time worker for the summer months.
Now i have to add a joke to but a smile on your face lol.
Have a good one!!!!
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000. April 06 I thought so... A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the skyclouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,"Because you have tried to be a faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said,"Build a bridge to Hawaii so i can ride over anytime i want,"The Lord said,"Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous chellenges of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said," Lord, i wish i could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothings wrong, and how i can truly make a woman happy." The Lord replies, " You want two or four lanes on that bridge?"Finally he said,"Lord, I wish that i could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking givbikFinally he said,"Lord, I wish that i could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how i can make a woman truly happy."The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
April 05 Take too.... Ok a quick update on my friends luggage. It arrived yesterday and everything of his is there. The only question Ken has for the airline now is " Why is all my luggage wet?" Yes it was soaking wet...and i may have a answer to his question. When John and i arrived in Minneapolis airport from Charlotte it was raining very hard. If his luggage was out in the rain for any length of time it would explain why it was wet when it arrived here. That kind of proves my statement that they had no time to remove his luggage before we left Charlotte. Which the airline attendent assured me it had. HA Liers.
Now i have to tell you what i did on the trip. I became a smoker. Yes after quiting for over 25 years i started again. With the price of cigars in the usa i couldnt help but start again. I was saving so much money with every cigar i bought. LOL. To give you a idea as to how much......a 5 pack of tipped cigars cost about 9 dollars here, but in Myrtle Beach the same cigars are 1.89 for 2 packs. Thats like one cigar cost me 1.80 each compared to .19 cents there. The liquor is also cheap there as well but we didnt drink on the trip ???
 We ate out one nite at a all you can eat sea food restaurant. I got my fill of sushi, carb legs, muscles and osters. We spent most of our evenings looking at golf equipment, going to the ballet and having a few drinks.
At most golf courses there was a sign saying "No cooler bags allowed on Golf Course" But i found out quickly that if you asked the starter whether it would be possable to do so the response was " as long as i cant see you " slipping him a Fiver worked just great lol. So my 12 pack cooler got a good workout on every course we played.
Thats all for Now ...Take Care. April 02 Back to Normal Ok now that i have been home for a day things are feeling more familiar. My inner time clock is back to standard time lol.
I will post one story about our return trip home.
After spending 9 days at Myrtle Beach we drove to Charlotte to fly home. We returned the van and checked our luggage at NorthWest Airlines. I recieved a slip of paper from the lady that checked our bags and was told that our seats would be assigned at the gate. MMMM thats different....used to getting seat allocations when checking in. So we arrive at our gate and i relayed the message that we were to get our seats when we arrived at the gate. The lady informs me that she would call us later. MMMM ok. After sitting for a half hour the plane starts boarding. First class, frequent flyers, platinum flyers and then all assigned seat passengers......mmmmm things are not looking that promising now.
Left at the gate is a elderly fellow 60s, a man in his 40s, 2 young ladies (lesbians) in there 20s and myself and my 2 golf buddies. The attendent there tells us that the plane is at maximum weight load and we will not be boarding this flight. This is where things start to happen. First the fellow in his 40s tell all of us that his wife and 3 kids are on that plane and he has to get on NOW!!!!! The attendent tells him she is sorry but that is not happening. After some further discussion the man says to remove his family from the plane. With this information the attendent radios the plane to HOLD. I look out at the plane and see that the door is closed and the loading tunnel has started to move away from the plane. The attendent points at the 3 of us and says YOU THREE COME WITH ME ...NOW. Down the tunnel we run, the attendent, the husband with his family onboard and the 3 of us. They open the door to the plane and we get on. She sits us in 3 open seats in the first row of first class. She sends the husband to find his family and removes them from the plane. OH ......S%#*
The attendent enters the cockpit and is having a discussion with the flight crew. She returns and takes a mic and announces that the airline is over weight and is not going to takeoff. Also that NorthWest will give a free flight for anyone passenger that will stay behind. There is no response for a couple of minutes. Then a young lady comes forward and says she will stay as long as she is guaranteed that she will get to her destination that evening. The attendent says she could not guarantee that would happen, so the lady says no and goes and sits back down. OK now it back to us. The attendent says sents we were the last to board one of us will have to get back off. So thats what happend. Ken said he would stay and call me to let me know when his flight would arrive back in Canada.
Weird....so far??? .....well im not done with this story yetttt.
So i know that his luggage is onboard with ours, and there was no time for them to have taken it off the plane. I know that no luggage is to travel without its owner onboard. Anyway the door of the plane closes we move away from the gate and we are airborn. Leaving our friend behind.
Now the upside of all this is my friend john and i are sitting in first class. We have a couple of complimentary drinks, a hot meal with wine and a nice visit with 2 of the flite attendents.
We arrive in Minneapolis to connect with our flite home. I inquire about my friends luggage that i know is onboard our flite from Charlotte. I am told that his bags would have been taken off before our plane left Charlotte. I know this to be WRONG!!! So i say that by some chance if it was on our flight, what would happen to it? He tells me it would not go on our connecting flight and that it would stay there untell our friend was booked on a flight out of that airport. When he boards a flight his luggage would be placed on that plane, so when he arrives back in Canada his luggage would too. Sound Great right??? Not!!!
So lets get back to my friend who is in Charlotte. There is no other flight out that day for him to get on so the airline puts him up in a hotel for the night and arranges a flight out the next morning. Only problem is from Minneapolis there is no flight home untell 8:30 sunday nite. Which means he spends 10 hours at the airport. nice ??
I get his call and we make arrangements for me to pick him up at the airport when his flight arrives. (luggage u ask??) Not a chance. He arrives on time without his bags. The airline tells us that when (if) they find his bags they will have them delivered to his house. So time will tell if this will happen. I will update on this as soon as i know when and where his luggage appears.
I would like to know what was onboard that plane to make us overweight??? From what i could see there was more then a dozen empty seats. I have been on many flights that were full and never have i come across a over weight plane from luggage. Must of had some important cargo to leave paid passengers behind.
One good note for my friend is he has a ticket to fly NorthWest to any destination they fly for free. I think if his luggage doesnt appear he may not want to fly with them again.
April 01 Great Trip Hello again....well our trip went as planned. The golf was fantastic, the weather unbelievable, the laughs continuous. All in all a trip well worth taking. I will post some pics of my friends and me on our trip. i have a few stories to tell as all good holiday have.
OHHH has anyone seen carol lately ...she seems to be missing.
April fools :) Gotcha Dave!!Poor Dave works hard at the office and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the first nine, honey." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi "Davey, want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4-letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time." |
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