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May 31 Cremate Me !!!! Cremate Me
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, "Now you have everything." Now it starts.... well this morning i have to check with my men and drop off a quote to a contractor on a new Toyota dealership. Then it starts...carol and i will make the drive to Regina to the hospital for my tests and blood work. If all goes well and i get my stamp of approval from the tests then my surgery will happen on the 6th of june. Things are busy right now and i cant just walk away and leave things pass us by. There are plans out on a renovation to some buildings to make a Seniors carecenter and a major paint job is coming out for a Nursing Home. We need to bid on these jobs so we dont run out of work later this summer.
I wanted to go to the gym yesterday but i had to many things happening that i wasnt able to go. Today we will be out of town all day so maybe tomorrow ill find the time to get my workout in. I went on the WEB last nite and watched a hip replacement video. (not a good idea) lol. It was like watching a couple of carpenters sawing and pounding on a jobsite.
Well i see im late for work and i best get going.......meeting at our hospital emergencey job this morning with the project Manager and he is the fellow coordinating the nuring home job as well. Have a good one....C-Ya. May 28 Older then Dirt LightningBugs / Older then Dirt. "Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.
" By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine." I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.( our number was 2 long and 3 short) Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
How Many of these do you Remember???
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16 Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19 Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life. ===== "Senlity Prayer"...God grant me... The senility to forget the people I never liked The good fortune to run into the ones that I do And the eyesight to tell the difference.
" Have a great week!!!!!! May 25 Ha Ha To Funny A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female D-day...June 6th 11:30 Well its a go. I got the call that i have been waiting for. At 11:00 am this morning i recieved a call from the General Hospital in Regina asking me if i could be avalible for surgery on the 6th of June. They have a cancelation and im the lucky guy thats up to replace the noshow. Im thinking he probably died lol.....Just for me !!!!!!!. Anyway i told Gwen (the booking lady at the hospital) that i needed a couple of hours to see if i could do the june date. As soon as i hungup the phone i knew i was going too go. Its been bothering me a lot over the last couple of weeks and i have had enough pain to last me a long time. Lets get it done and hope it works out alright. Like what could be worse......more pain ...i think not. Couldnt be any worse. I will miss our golf trip in the end of june, put there will be other june trips.
If things work out all right i will spend sometime at the cottage while im on the mend. That wont be so bad. Ill be able to read a few books that i have lieing around unread. Working on my tan and maybe fishing for that big one could happen as well. So i have 12 days to go before i go under the knife. I was hoping that i would be 50 before i had my surgery but i guess that wont happen.
I made my trip the the gym today and it reinforced my goal knowing i have only a few days left. When i return to the gym later, it will be a totally different set of exercises that i will have to start with. It will be a big step backwards for me when i do go back to the gym. And i do plan on returning to my exercise as soon as possible.
We played our thursday golf match this evening and the weather was just fabulous. I played ok but it just didnt matter if i missed a shot. I just wanted to enjoy playing with my friends and having a few laughs.
" Life it to short to worry about something you have no control over" May 24 Time for ONE Joke Picking up Chicks
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks!
LoL .....Goodnite. Something to think about.... Enjoy your drive to work this morning? Or the school run? Or trip to the shops? Happy that everything in your life is available simply through the flick of a switch?
A new report claims that 184 MILLION people in Africa could die by the end of this century due to our use of fossil fuels effecting changes in the worlds climate.
Yet no one seems to care or be committed to doing anything about it. Is it ok for them to die as they are poor and under-developed anyway? Is it because the disaster is just so massive that it seems too terrible to be real? Or do we just think its not going to effect us? We are the ones who can make the difference, the so-called 'developed' nations although most of us seems to have opted out of any responsibility when it comes to emmissions. Perhaps some of you who live there can get your government to explain that one.
In the meantime, I will do the worrying for you. I will care for you because this is who I am. Just one person, with no power, no influence but who wakes up every morning and asks 'why?' because however big this seems and however much you think this isnt happening to you, we all live on the same planet. One day it will effect you, where you are sitting RIGHT NOW, where your children and grandchildren are playing RIGHT NOW... ...and one day their children will ask 'why?' Why didnt you care enough? Why didnt you do anything to help us when you had the chance?
This is your legacy, not the nice house, the car, the life insurance, the good schools. This will mean nothing to the future. So I won't just worry for you, I'll worry ABOUT you because where ever you are, whatever you do, YOU are one of the effected ones.
Thats all i have to say about that... Motivation "Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is:
Will you get back up?"--Author Unknown
Well today i found my motivation to get back to the gym. After spending almost 3 weeks away it felt nice to grab some weights and make my muscles workout like they were use too. I plan to workout tomorrow afternoon and again on friday. Taking the weekend off and then starting again monday with a full 4 day workout plan. Ok its time to turn in for the night .....C-YA Tears in my Eyes..Beautifully Stated
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. "Anonymous"
May 23 Bummer... Spent 30 minutes putting together a blog entery and was adding a pic to finish it off and Crash.....i lost everything i had written and the pic as well. bummed out now so im going to bed...*&!$#%^!@
Thats all im going to say about that.....Nite. May 19 Chris Rock says...... You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesnt want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'BUSH','DICK',AND 'COLON'. May 17 Lunch Break Things you should know but probably dont (But do you want to?)
1 . Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. (WHAT?)
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multi-tasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. .....(Glad i found out about this one lol)
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
Well back to work now cheery-O May 16 Have you heard this one??? Income Taxes
A newly deceased man, David, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. David decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he goes with an ugly, stupid woman, while he pretends to be happy.
As he walks along, he sees his friend Steve up ahead - with an even uglier woman. When he asks what's going on, Steve replies, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money." They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
David, Steve, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Don up ahead. He is with an absolutely gorgeous woman who looks like a supermodel/centerfold. Stunned, David and Steve approach the man and discover that it is their friend Don. They ask him how he got this unbelievable goddess, while they're stuck with these God-awful women. Don replies, "I have no idea, but I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have had five years of the best sex any man could hope to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. Everytime we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself,
"Damn income taxes!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Carols Home Things are back to normal now that carol is back from her visit to her sisters. She made me lunch today and that was nice. Cassidy is going to take her out for supper as a late Mothers Days present. Im going to bbq a couple of burgers and stay at home.
I made a trip out to the cottage today and turned the water on and the water heater. I also plugged in the frig so it will be cold when we go out this weekend. Bought a fishing lisence for carol and myself so we might try and catch a few fish this weekend. We will put our boat and lift into the lake this weekend and if the weather is nice (the forcast is for a nice weekend) we will go for a boat ride and maybe fish a little.
It sounds like the kids are planning on coming out for the weekend as well. Bringing out a few friends i would think so its going to be a fun weekend.
Our park is calling for a alochol free weekend. No boze will be allowed in the camp grounds and camp sites. We may have more friends over to the cottage with this new regulation. LOL. Its going to be nice to site outside on the deck again and watch the fire and gaze at the stars.
Our weather is very hot today with temps getting close to 30c. Great weather to start the long weekend.
I havent mentioned our junior hockey team lately. We won our provincal match against Manitoba and qualifed for the National Junior Championship tourney. They made it to the championship game,but lost to Burnaby in the final game. It was quite the run for our boys.Great Job Boys...Go TERRIERS GO.... I havent really had much time this week to spend blogging...and i hope my friends will understand i still think of them and will visit when i have time.
I have added some pics that Carol has taken of her sisters Alpaca farm.Strange looking creatures these animals. There is a couple of pics of the North Saskatchewan River. Also a pic of the Old Borden Bridge. If you visit her blog you can see more of her pics of her trip. C-YA May 13 Its a Joke??? Who's this Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation." May 12 Paint Stuff Ok today i added some pics of our tour through the factor of General Paint. We had a golf game at the presidents course in vancouveron tuesday and the tour was on wed... It was very interesting for me to see how the paint was made and put into cans and pails. After all these years of selling and using their products it was great to see how the raw materials were turned into paint. The plant is 2 square blocks in size. With offices in the front, then the labratory and batch plant are next. Then we have the can assembly line and filling , with the warehouse and distribution in the back building. WoW how boring right lol. Well thats all i say about the tour.
" Ill go look for a joke to cheer you up "
Ideal Wife The Ideal Wife should be beautiful, but not so beautiful that people think you married her only for her beauty. And The Ideal Wife should be wealthy, but not so wealthy that people think you married her only for her money. And The Ideal Wife should be gentle, but not so gentle that she can't suck a tennis ball through a fifty-foot garden hose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- May 11 Home Sweet Home Ok ....our trip went well but its always nice to come home. Eight days away from home doesnt sound like a long time. But when u do as many things as we did on this trip it sure can wear a guy out. We managed to play 6 rounds of golf along with a lot of fellowship and a few drinks. The weather was good and our schedule went as planned.
We spent 4 days in Kelona and 4 days in Vancover. The orchards are in blossom and the flowers are so colourful. I managed to take a few pics i will add to my blog very soon. I have to go now and see whats new with my friends while i have been away. May 02 Times up Today want by to fast. I have all my work lined up for the next week. Spent a couple of hours at the gym this afternoon and hit a bucket of balls at the range this evening. I started packing for the trip. Guess i have to take some warm clothes and some summer clothes just to make sure i have the right clothes for the weather. One can expect anything in the mountains this time of year. This will be my last entry for a whole week. Plans are to return on the 10th of May.
I changed my music as you can hear lol. When with a old Joe Cocker song,When the Night Comes. Before i go i want to wish all my friends a great week and i check up on you when i return. "Smile and your sun will shine" |
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