Quick Check for Alzheimer's

   The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of 
Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read 
each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of 
age cannot do it!

   1. This is this cat.
   2. This is is cat.
   3. This is how cat.
   4. This is to cat.
   5. This is keep cat.
   6. This is an cat.
   7. This is old cat.
   8. This is person cat.
   9. This is busy cat.
   10. This is for cat.
   11. This is forty cat.
   12. This is seconds cat.

  Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down   

 

 

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes  to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.  He  asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?"   She slams the  door in disgust.   The next morning she hears a knock at the door  and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman.   "Do you have a vagina?"   She slams the door again.   Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband decides he is taking tomorrow off work to be home just in case this guy shows up again".   The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the  door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey,  I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it."   She nods yes to her husband and opens the  door.   Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks  the same question. "Do you have vagina?"....... "Yes"  she says......   The man replies.. "Good! Would you mind telling  your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using  yours??????"

     

My Living Will
 
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,  "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."  She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.  
She's such a bitch...   

   "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'." 5 bucks says you're gonna read this again!
    

    Life's journey is not about arriving at the grave safely in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways, Totally worn out, Shouting "HOLY S**t........WHAT A RIDE!!!!!"

  I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
  

 

What a great place to work????
>
> Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 300
> employees and has the following statistics:
>
>
> 30 have been accused of spousal abuse.
>  9 have been arrested for fraud.
> 14 have been accused of writing bad cheques.
> 95 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.
>  4 have done time for assault.
> 55 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit.
> 12 have been arrested on drug related charges.
>  4 have been arrested for shoplifting.
>  6 are currently defendants in lawsuits.
> 62 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year.
>
>
> Can you guess which organization this is?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> It is the 301 MPs in the Canadian Parliament. The same group that cranks
> out hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.
>
>
>
> Which one did you vote for?
>
> TAKEN FROM THE OTTAWA CITIZEN  

     Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told
her mother.  "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"    

     Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 

 "It reminded me of a peanut"
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, 

 "Really small was it?"
   Sally replied,  "No...salty!"